Roommate
Doesn't Want to
Be Used as a Dating Service
Dear
Harlan,
I have had a roommate for six months. Recently, she introduced
me to a friend of hers, and we hit it off. He ended up asking
me on a date, which I accepted. After we had gone out once
and were planning a second date, she flipped out, stating
that she wasn't comfortable with us dating. I told her I would
think about what she said, but I didn't feel compelled to
stop. After we went out a second time, she gave me the silent
treatment for a few days, and then demanded we talk. She accused
me of using her as a dating service, of trying to live her
life, and of ruining her friendship with this man. She also
accused me of throwing myself at him. I feel that she is the
one ruining the friendship by acting like a child.
We are all in our mid-20s, and I don't understand her attitude
here. Do you think I should stop dating him?
Roommate
Issues
Dear
Roommate,
You mean she wants you to stop dating the guy she's always
dreamed of dating but who never wanted to date her?
The reasonable assumption is that she has feelings for him,
and you're ruining EVERYTHING (silent treatment and roommate
stomping out of the room). The problem is that you don't understand
the real reason because she hasn't told you (a challenge during
a silent treatment), and until you know the problem, her having
a problem isn't a good enough reason to not date him. Who
knows? You could marry this guy. If you do, don't expect your
roommate to stand in your wedding.
That said, make it clear that you need to understand why it's
a problem, and offer her another chance to have that conversation.
Until you understand, there's no way to reach an understanding.
