Boyfriend's
Sexual Dysfunction Doesn't
Have to Be Turn Off
Dear
Harlan,
I've had sex with my boyfriend three times. I thought it was
nerves, but now I think he just cannot function properly.
How do I bring this up with him? Because I am really not enjoying
it at all. It is a big turnoff.
Turned-Off
Dear
Turned-Off,
Not sure what isn't functioning properly, but I do have an
answer.
If you're having sex, you should be able to talk about sex
with the person you're having sex with (if you not, stop having
it). Here's what NOT to do: Don't blame him, don't call it
a turnoff, don't make it all about him. Here's what TO DO:
Think of this as the beginning of something that will bring
you two closer together, that is, if you allow it, he allows
it, and you can talk about it. Since he might not be all that
comfortable or aware of this problem, educate yourself. Before
talking to him about it, research it. Pick up a book on the
topic, research it online (find a trusted site) or even talk
to a doctor about it. Once you have a handle on the issue
and what can be done to help solve it as a couple, bring it
up. Do it fully clothed, sober and NOT at the end of the date.
Mention what you love about being with him (I assume there
are some things), then bring up the parts that concern you.
If he gets embarrassed or defensive, kiss him, reassure him
and share your plan of action with him. After it sinks in,
help him see that this isn't the end, just the beginning of
something that can bring you closer together. And if he can't
handle the truth, know that you bent over backward to help.
