Wise
Educator And Grandfather Urges Married
Couples To Work Out Differences, Not To Run
Dear
Harlan,
Bad advice. I disagree with your advice to the guy
contemplating cheating.
Sometimes an unhappy home with kids is a home worth saving.
What we 37-year educators are trying to say is that a rush
to divorce can make kids unhappier than the unhappy home.
I know I'm glad my occasionally unhappy parents stayed together.
It wasn't easy, but it was better than a split home. My granddaughter
now leads two lives between her divorced and remarried parents.
She is sleep-deprived, stressed and saddened by it all. Sometimes
adults ought to try to find a way to make it work and not
rush to divorce court. It's too easy today for the unhappy
parents and too hard on the unhappy kids. The lesson being
taught now is: If you have troubles, run from them - bad advice!
Tom
Hi Tom,
Marriage might be a secure place, but so is prison. It doesn't
make it a healthy place to grow up. Besides, the guy who wrote
to me wasn't even married - not that marriage is a prerequisite
for having children (e.g. Angelina and Brad, Tom and Katie).
I'm sorry your granddaughter is so sleep-deprived and sad,
but to live in a home where two people can't stand each other
is poisonous. I'm all for marriage, but not all marriages
are healthy marriages that should be saved. I never implied
that running is the answer, but to consider cheating on a
spouse with a best friend's fiancee (the topic of the letter
that prompted this discussion) is to set the worst kind of
example of "love and commitment." And it's a partner who lies
and cheats who fuels the bitterness and contributes to the
pain that can put a child in the middle of the mess. I'm with
you - try everything to work it out, but get out before lying,
cheating, disrespecting or deceiving. Leaving doesn't mean
betraying. Sometimes it means protecting. With that, I ask
children of divorce: Was splitting up the best thing for the
family?
