Shy
Girl Needs Regular Therapy
& To Embrace The URT
Dear
Harlan,
I'm a 25-year-old girl with serious social issues. I have
always been introverted, but since roughly junior high I have
been so debilitated that I could not talk to people or make
any friends. I have been on antidepressants for several years
for social anxiety disorder, and it helps a little bit; but
the fact is that I still have no clue how to do simple things,
like initiate a conversation, show interest in being friends
with someone, make a phone call or extend an invitation. I
even have trouble making eye contact. I always feel like I'm
bothering people or imposing on them, and why on earth would
they want to waste their time on me? Even if they seem to
like me, I "know" it's only a matter of time before I do something
stupid and they realize that I'm a dork and start hating me.
I know that's incredibly illogical, but I just can't seem
to shake that feeling. I'm not a totally pathetic person.
I have tons of interests; I have a good sense of humor. I
don't know what to do to fix this. Got any hope for the hopeless?
REALLY Shy
Dear REALLY Shy,
Beyond getting regular therapy, here's a way to look at it
all:
Shy people tend NOT to be shy once they get comfortable with
a person or a situation. The problem with life is that there
is a universal truth that says NOT everyone will always think
what you want them to think about you. This truth is called
The Universal Rejection Truth (URT), and I refer to it regularly
in this column. Once you can accept and embrace The Truth,
you ultimately give people permission to not always like you
(while still knowing that you're perfectly likeable). Once
you're comfortable with the uncomfortable, then you can say
what you feel and do what you want to do without fear. And
if you're not afraid, you're not likely to be as shy. Accept
The Truth; surround yourself with people who tell you how
beautiful you are in every way; and work with a therapist
to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
There is hope!
